


Happy Songs

by spiteborne



Category: Heathers (1988), Heathers: The Musical - Murphy & O'Keefe
Genre: F/F, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-02
Updated: 2018-03-02
Packaged: 2019-03-26 05:02:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13850628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spiteborne/pseuds/spiteborne
Summary: "I’ve had enough, there’s a voice in my head says I’m better off dead. But if I sing along a little fucking louder to a happy song I’ll be alright."McNamara tries suicide and Veronica helps her. But she still has to confront Duke.





	Happy Songs

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there. This is a short piece going through Heather Mac's point of view about the events which led to her trying suicide, JD blowing up the school and her relationship with Heather Duke. Not very happy.

 

Two days since Veronica found her laying in the bathroom, trying to swallow the most she could, before spitting out to the floor by the force of the girl's hands. She had sat in the bathroom floor with her for a while, they missed the third period. After school she had just sat alone in her bedroom and listened to her own thoughts. She wasn't sure Veronica finding her was a good thing.

 

Now, she was in the shower, processing what had happened. Jason Dean blew up. Veronica was the new Heather Chandler (was she?). Heather Duke still hadn't talked to her. She was still considering whether Veronica crushing her pills was a good thing.

 

Heather wasn't coming back. Heather wasn't talking anymore. And Heather wasn't sure she was a Heather anymore... maybe just Heather.

 

Someone knocked at her door and she answered it. Heather Duke stood there, oblivious smile painted in red lipstick, was the only unusual thing about her. Her clothes reversed back to green, even though there was much more black now, and she wasn't curling her hair anymore. She looked the same.

 

"You won't believe what happened today. Veronica asked Martha Dumptruck on a movies night date. That was totally our thing. And guess what, I found Courtney talking to some reporter about J.D. blowing himself up, she was making up the most ridiculous stories!" She had entered without Heather inviting her, moving towards the kitchen and opening her fridge. She was bending, searching for something while still talking. "I called her out on her bullshit live. You should have seen it."

 

Heather stopped by the balcony. She thought having Heather talking to her again would open up a lot of wounds, revive a lot of different - old and new - feelings. Instead, she felt hollow. They weren't Heathers anymore, didn't matter how much Duke wanted it to be true.

 

"What's up with you?"

 

"What you did to me the other day sucked." She hated how her voice started out as loud as a mutter, but she did gain more strength with time. Heather didn't deserve her weakness.

 

"Oh, I thought you forgot about that. It was a joke." She closed the fridge after taking some ice cream from out of it. Since Heather died, Heather was eating again, far more than she ever did in her life. Not that she didn't like how healthy she looked now, but strangely doing so because of your best friend's - or enemy? - death was grim. Their lives were pretty grim right now.

 

"It wasn't. It was the kind of thing we did to other people." By the time she answered, Heather already had eaten two spoonfuls of ice cream in front of her. Maybe she wasn't completely healthy yet.

 

"Give it some rest, Heather. I found it funny when we did shit to Martha." Remembering how Martha took that joke of theirs, suddenly Heather didn't found funny anymore. Yes, at the time it was super fun sneaking and placing some fake notes for her to find. A few days ago she'd do it again. Now she wasn't sure of anything.

 

"You should just go home." Heather wasn't the same person she thought she was. Maybe there was more to Heather Duke that she ever knew, but it wasn't for lack of tries. They weren't close as Heather Chandler and Veronica, but sometimes Heather would call her and try to talk about themselves. She'd even ask about her urge to purge, but Heather dismissed her every single time.

 

Now she seen that it wasn't of any use. Heather was far gone into some dark place inside her head. Trying to twist reality so they could be the same again, but this still there was no Heather Chandler to guide them and tell them what to do.

 

"You're not being serious. C'mom, you're messed up for all that happened. Let's watch something, turn up the radio and listen to some shit. Like old times."

 

Heather rolled her eyes.

 

"I know you miss her. I miss her too." Liar. "But there's nothing we can do, except living our lives."

 

One day she would be dead. Maybe in fifty years, maybe tomorrow. Heather Duke wasn't taking no for an answer, so all she could do was singing to some happy song and pretend she was happy too. Even when she wished Veronica never found her in that bathroom.


End file.
